The War Against Stupidity

By: Doug Goodkin

We have the War Against Poverty, the War Against Drugs, and the War Against Terrorism. Needless to say, we're losing all of them. I say let's make a war that we can win. My proposal? The War Against Stupidity.

Now you might think this would be the most difficult of all wars to win, but as a schoolteacher, I have hope. I'm fortunate to work in a school where the teachers think - they read books, they write poems, essays, songs, and stories, they discuss current affairs and even timeless questions. They think about how they think and they think about how to help children to think. And the results are impressive. The children do think and they show promise of growing into adults who will continue to think.

Of course, we all think - it's what the brain does. But here I speak of thinking clearly, critically, analytically, expansively, and imaginatively, with intention and purpose. It's the kind of thinking Descartes recommended, fueled by healthy skepticism, doubt, and directed questioning. A good thinker asks good questions, like "Why are there so many names for the same God?", "Why did the U.S. support bin Laden in the 80's?", "Why is someone in the White House who was not elected?". It is not to be confused with "I think I'll get up and have another beer."

Though I am optimistic, I am not naive - the forces amassed against intelligence are formidable. To begin with, a leader who asks "Is we teaching our children how to read?" and can't pronounce the word "nuclear" does not help the citizens of our country rise to their intellectual potential. A media saturated with shows with a 4^th grade vocabulary level isn't helping. Challenging the patriotic loyalty of citizens who ask questions does not encourage questioning citizens. A Congress cajoled and pressured into quick approvals of dubious measures is not a good sign either. In a time of crisis, the call for business as usual - which means watching television, shopping at the mall, and passively accepting the whitewashed news designed to "manufacture consent" - is all part of the grand message: "Don't think!"

But a good mind is hard to keep down. Out in the streets, thinking is alive and well and getting stronger each day. Take the recent protest in San Francisco. People of all ages, colors, classes, professions, sexual preferences, and religions marched side by side. There was great music, good food, colorful homemade banners, and the palpable pulse of neurons firing inside brains, leaping across slumbering synapses and making startling new connections. But the highlight was the signs.

Not only were the messages distinct, individual, and diverse, but showed a quality of thought, wit, humor, and intelligence that made a teacher beam with pride. Good poetry, good prose, and good jokes all do their work through the principle of ambivalence - two or more unlikely images set side by side in unexpected ways. It is the tension between them that causes the mind to move. When minds move, new vistas open and independent thought has begun. Note that movement in the following:

• We have guided missiles and misguided men.
• We have smart bombs and stupid leaders.
• You can bomb the world to pieces, but you can't bomb peace into the world.
• How did our oil get under their sand?
• How many lives per gallon?

A+! If, as a teacher, I'm thrilled by these home-grown slogans, I'm equally appalled by the language of those who simply go along with the same old stories. Compare:

• The axis of evil.
• God bless America.
• Let's nuke 'em back to the Stone Age.
• We're number one.

Where is the movement in these images? The wit? The humor? The metaphor? The ambivalence? The intelligence? The thinking? I say F for this group. Of course, I'd give them a chance to up their grade if they could answer these questions:

1. What is an axis?
   
   
2. If "God is everywhere", why would She only bless America?
   
   
3. What is the difference between the actual Stone Age and a post-nuclear (not nucular) holocaust?
   
   
4. In what areas are we not number one? (Choose from education, representative democracy, lowest murder and crime rate, health care, etc.)
   

While we're in the test-taking mood, let's keep going. If Congress is to wreak havoc in schools by subverting a thinking education with a test-taking mentality, then I say that it must be required to play its own game. All those so fond of SAT (Stupids Against Thinking) tests, should have to take a congressional version to be elected and maintain their posts. A few sample questions:

1. MATH: If the United States continues to alienate almost every country in the European Alliance and cannot count on support from Asian, African and South American countries that it has either directly bombed, supported terrorist activities or propped up repressive regimes, how many countries altogether will it have to ignore before bombing Iraq?
   
   
2. MATH: If Bush's budget shows "record deficits" and his "$2.2 trillion package doesn't include money for war" (SF Chronicle - 2/4/03) and his tax reform suggests a $289 tax cut for the middle fifth of the income spectrum and a $30,127 reduction for the top 1%, how many American people must wake up before he is impeached?
   
   
3. GEOGRAPHY: Without looking at a map, name three countries that border Iraq.
   
   
4. HISTORY: Harry Truman once said: "Secrecy and a free, democratic government don't mix." Apply this statement to the practices of the current administration.
   
   
5. ENGLISH: "War" is a synonym for "oil". Explain.
   
   
6. SCIENCE: If all the people in the current administration were to be cloned, how long before the human gene pool's intellectual potential is reduced to the level of amoebas?
   

Anyone who failed this test would have to repeat elementary school. For every vacant congressional seat - and I imagine that would mean most of them - I would send one representative from my school. And my candidate for President would be the four-year-old who made his own sign for the recent march:

It doesn't get much better than that.