Ten Thoughts While Waiting for the Bush-Team Armageddon

By: Frank Fuller

I guess flossing every day wasn't so important after all.

I think George W. thinks Armageddon is an exclusive golf club, so exclusive even he can't get in. Or maybe he thinks it's a small town in Texas where everyone is rich and happy and all the women stay home, cook steaks, and submit to their husbands' wishes all the time. Or maybe he thinks Armageddon is the latest SUV from Cadillac (or Lexus or Mercedes or Lincoln). The ad will read: "This war brought to you by the Cadillac (or Lexus or Mercedes or Lincoln) Armageddon, the miracle SUV that will drive over anyone or anything, anywhere, anytime, and then repair its own dents before you get home!"

First they came for the kids on bicycles and told them to get off the roads and I said nothing. Then they came for the skateboarders, in-line skaters, and adult cyclists and I still said nothing. Then they went after pedestrians and folks like me - folks in small, old, rusty, dented cars - and told us to get off the roads. "The roads are for the Cadillac (or Lexus or Mercedes or Lincoln) Armageddon", they said. "It's the miracle SUV, the only vehicle worth going to war over."

Parents: you should still tell your kids it is important to work hard in school, get good grades, and apply themselves so that someday they can go out in the world and get a really high-paying job. If they point to our President [sic] to show that you're wrong, that they can be slackers and still get ahead, tell them the truth. Tell them that if they don't work hard in school, get good grades, and get that obscenely high-paying job, they will never be eligible for any tax cut for the rest of their lives.

Can I incorporate myself and move to a post office box on some off shore tax haven? How can I cheat my employees out of their pensions so that I won't have to depend so much on Social Security? If I get on some corporate board of directors and get paid $10,000 for a one-hour meeting, do I have to pay attention? This is what Americans everywhere want to know these days and I bet they'll pay anything for the answers. Just a few books, tapes, and one or two infomercials and I could be on Easy Street.

Warning: Anyone reading this should be doing so in an officially designated "free speech zone". Label a room or spot in your office as such - immediately. Then when the FBI or Secret Service (or whoever) comes for you, you can say it was legal for you to read this, because you were in one of those "free speech zones", where free speech is okay. (Welcome to the 21^st Century.)

I bet George Bush cheats at golf. That wouldn't be a surprise. But what would be a surprise is that among some of the most powerful people in America that is a much worse sin than insider trading, lying to stockholders, bribing politicians, or even stealing elections. (But probably not as bad as supporting a corporate reform bill of any type.)

I guess I really didn't have to pay so much attention to gas mileage all those years. After we attack Iraq, I won't be able to afford gas no matter what mileage my car gets.

I still believe George W. Bush is Dick Cheney's love child and that Barbara Bush broke Dick's heart. That's why Cheney sneers. And that defibrillator he's hooked up to? It's not a heart defibrillator. It's for his sneer. Sometimes he wakes up and can't get the sneer right, so he zaps himself. That puts the sneer back on. That defibrillator is even more effective at keeping him sneering than thinking about all the immigrants Ashcroft has rounded up and is still holding in solitary confinement.

If only my dad had been head of the CIA, Vice President, and son of a U.S. Senator. Then I, too, could have been somebody!