President Joyride

By: mike@subversivetalk

About the same time that last week's column was published, a breathless new story broke that ballyhooed the discovery of a mobile bio-weapons laboratory in Iraq. You remember the story? They had pictures showing heavy equipment aboard an 18-wheeler in the middle of the Iraqi desert. Remember? We were told that THIS was the smoking gun that everyone was waiting, wishing, hoping, and praying for. This was it! Never mind the rest of the near-daily breathless stories about leaking barrels of yuck and suspicious warehouses filled with dust. This was it! Finally, the smoking gun had been found that justified the expense of billions of dollars and thousands of lives. FOX News was having heart palpitations in gleeful excitement. Any doubters about Iraq's WMD's had to eat their own words this time we were told.

Have you heard anything since? They were following up with tests and so forth to verify the discovery of evil, but they were positive that this was the proof everyone was waiting for. Have you heard anything about the mobile bio-weapons factory discovery since that one-day story ran? Me neither. I wonder why.

When the mobile weapons lab story first broke there were two other stories that were building in the press that threatened to be bigger than the Laci Peterson murder case. These stories were:

1. The $1,000,000 jet plane joyride that President Knucklehead took to land on the Aircraft Carrier to announce the end of the war in Iraq.
   
   
2. The ongoing mysteries about President Knucklehead's military record (or lack thereof).
   

These two stories had a harmony and power that were greater than the sum of their parts. They threatened to revive long-buried rumors and undermine years of denial and prestidigitation. And then all of a sudden these stories disappeared, only to be replaced for one day with the incredibly amazing smoking gun discovery of the century. But as with EVERY OTHER breathlessly reported discovery of WMD's in Iraq, this also turned out to be false. To this date the madly hysterical accusations of Bush & Blair have not been corroborated by even a particulate of proof.

The reason that the jet-ride and Bush military record stories were building, almost to the chagrin of the compliant, corporate media was because the Knuckleheads were caught in a lie that threatened to cascade and overwhelm the carefully crafted invincibility of the Knucklehead juggernaut.

Remember when the last elected American President told us that he "did not have sex with that woman"? Well it was a lie and fairly or not he was impeached for it.

And if it is one thing that the Knuckleheads cannot afford it is to get caught in the Lying Game. In politics, lies are like grains of sand on a deserted beach. As long as no one disturbs them they can go unnoticed for years, but as soon as someone digs around in the sand a little bit, the next thing you know cottage industries of self-righteousness sprout like condos on Miami Beach.

That's what the whole Bill Bennett thing is about. Americans don't give a crap about lies and hypocrisy if it's kept private. But as soon as pontificating pompous fools are caught in a lie or an impropriety, they must be brought down.

It's not about doing wrong. It's about getting caught. That's the American Way. The public crucifixion of hypocrites and liars soothes our souls. If we Americans cheat on our taxes or spouses or cut corners or take short cuts or bend the rules, it's okay as long as we don't get caught. The public humiliation of celebrities, politicians, and pundits cleans the karmic slate for the rest of us.

In what was clearly a Barnum & Bailey photo-op for the reelection of President Knucklehead, the lie was put out that the Commander-in-Chief had to land via jet fighter on the aircraft carrier because it was too far out to sea for a helicopter to get there. Never mind how lights, cameras, and coiffured bobble-headed reporters got there to cover the action. No, the President had to fly via jet fighter, in full pilot's regalia. It was even hinted that the President was flying the fighter himself. I presume that if you poll Americans, a small majority would swear that President Knucklehead landed the jet himself. You know the same percentage that blames Saddam for 9/11.

Well of course this ridiculous reasoning was debunked easily and early. The story then went that the President wanted to experience what it was like to land on the carrier. It was a joyride. The President, of course, was trained at significant taxpayer expense to learn how to fly jets back during the height of the Vietnam War. Remember? The gung-ho warrior President to-be slipped his way into an elite Texas Air National Guard unit through patronage and greased palms. The gung-ho, tough talking, whiskey swilling, whore-buying buck from Midland was too chicken to actually go fight for his country in Vietnam. So his Daddy bought him a toy-army to play with. Well, it turns out that the gung-ho, conservative patriot scion of old money couldn't even handle the responsibility of fake war. He went AWOL and his military records are classified Top Secret (not officially, but practically).

There is much speculation about what happened to Bush during the last two years of Guard duty. One of the only clues we have is that he was declared unfit to fly because he didn't take (or pass) his medical exam. Some believe he was strung out on coke or booze or both. I don't have a clue except that where big secrets dwell is usually a place where incriminating evidence is found.

It seems that President Knucklehead's entire life has been one long joyride. From all accounts he lived a frat-boy, party-animal existence until he was 40. (Hey, I don't begrudge him that. What I begrudge is the fact that his whoring, drugging, duty-abdicating, myth-fabricating life is hidden from view in a mountain of lies while he elevates himself to the role of moral arbiter for world.) He is protected by money and power like an electrified fence around Fort Knox. Don't even try to break into the hidden secrets of President Knucklehead's past. You'll be caught and crucified. You'll be disparaged and destroyed.

But uncovering secrets was the threat faced last week. It wasn't some renegade Internet writer digging up the beach of Bush Family Lies it was The Media. It was a snowflake rolling down a hill, but had the potential to become an avalanche. So something had to be done. Voila! Weapons of Mass Destruction found in a truck along an Iraqi desert highway.

Except it wasn't true.

The biggest danger to the Knuckleheads is Truth. If one lie is allowed to be exposed it will only encourage others to start digging around in the sand. So not even the uncovering of little tiny lies are allowed to fester. They must be diverted by bigger and better lies, until everyone is just too tired to care.

So as President Joyride swaggers and smirks through his presidency, remember just one thing.

It's all a big sandcastle of lies. And you are the high tide if you choose to be.